Vahn Blackwind

To everyone (the few) who may read this journal the topic is for you, to those that won't...well...no point even mentioning you...

To sum up the past three(?) months of inactivity

• I quit my job
• I enlisted with the marines
• Yup, really
• I have been rigorously attempting to play mahjong
• I have no life
• And I beat Persona 4 in two weeks with NINETY hours clocked in it.
• Seriously, 90-effin'-hours.
• I officially have nothing to do, I just watched "Mamma Mia!" and then proceeded to download ABBA songs and was humming along.
• And finally, "HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER" IS THE GREATEST SHOW EVER!  Barney Stinson is now my new role model.

 

So I hadn't have even thought about posting until I saw one of my friends LJ entries that literally made me "D'AWWW" and left me in a fluffy pink attitude for some while, not unlike the effect imprinted upon me by some REALLY girly shoujo dramas.

Pretty much nothing else, isn't this sad that this is all I had accomplished in my period of apathy?  You could ave figured I would have at least read a freakin' book or learned a new language, but NO~, I had to go and be lazy and do nothing but excercise...

This is, quite simply put, my rage and rant post.  Don't expect to find anything thought provoking or an eloquent turn of phrase here not that there is ANYTHING in anything in my previous posts even remotely like that anyway, but I don't want you to get your hopes up, just me bitching...a lot...

Frankly, I am pissed off (one of my 3 motivating factors, the other two being monetary gain and spite), but not at anything in particular, but I do have a few contributing factors.

School: Oddly enough, the fact that I am NOT going is the worst part, all of my friends are going well, at least the ones that matter, and i would have really have liked to have gone and my entire basis for working at my current job is to save up enough money to go to college and not feel like the grade A fuck-up I know I am.  But an even bigger problem is I don't even know what I want to do, it seems all my friends know what they want to be after school, but I honestly have no clue, and it is KILLING me.  And it seems all I can bring my lazy ass to do about it is bitch, whine, moan, and complain about it and hope that my problem will fix itself.

Money: Can't get enough, but then again this is a pretty common complaint and I can't say I have it horribly bad, I have a pretty good job, decent hours (even though I really need a lot more for college) but not bad for no work experience...I didn't really need a job when I could sell bread with a 200% prophet profit margin...and the pay is still better than what some of my other friends are making and thank god it isn't fast food, even though it would be easier on my wallet since I would probably use the discount from time to time.

Social life: Not really a problem per se, but I feel like it might get there.  I mean it isn't my friends that are the problem I just feel like I am the one fucking up, like I feel that I am just not connecting with my friends anymore, that I am not really necessary to be a part of the fun, kind of like I am just hanging on.  What makes it worse is that I am usually bumming off them for food money and that just isn't right, it feels like I am becoming more of a burden than a friend, and that is probably the worst blow of them all.  I try o help some of them with cosplay but tie that in with my natural unreliability and you get a formula for some pretty nasty social screw ups, which I am already prone to attract.  And if this isn't bad enough I am feeling more and more socially awkward than I usually do, like that I just can't find the right things to say at the right opportunities.

Myself: GAWD I hate that fat ugly bastard...Not much I want to say here except I need to fix my work ethic, aforementioned motivating factors, lose weight, get a girlfriend, learn to like myself better, be a little more charming, and just in general not be the lame ass loser I usually am.

Whoo-hoo look at that list, well I am good for another few months, back to being to horribly submissive and boorish person I usually am.

...I just hope the next poast is a little more...upbeat....

Woke up at 2 today and feel terrible, glad that I finally got a paying job, albeit temporary and only for tax free weekend (ZOMG I IZ GONNA DIE), but still terrible that it took me this this long

Meanwhile I plan on applying at a local theatre called the "Movie Tavern", my goal is to have both this job and to stay on with the current temp job at Old Navy (I know, I can't believe I am working there) for MOAR munnies.

Feel like a fat pig, my parents got pizza and I, shall we say, "overindulged" at the first real meal in quite a while.  Makes me feel awful, and I am DEFINITELY going to have to go running soon.

FINALLY get to play "Psychonauts" (after who knows how long it has been out) and I am glad I did, kinda upset that the only reason I am playing it is because I am using it as a stall until either Persona 4 comes out in December or until I have enough money to buy this http://www.swapmagic3.com/ but whatever...

Sooooo....

Ummm....

Baccano got licensed, that is all anyone talks about right now Yay? I just wish people would also think about Hunter X Hunter being licensed too... Not that that is, in any way, a good thing

I recently got the fabric for Maiza's suit for our group Baccano cosplay, and I am really glad I didn't have to pay for it... Seriously my goal now is really not to screw up, but whatever...

Sins of a Solar empire is an epicly awesome game and i luvs it. Now if only I had time to play it between having to clean and making a three piece suit <which I am not sure if I can call it a three piece suit because I am not making the pants, only the vest and the jacket>

Still looking for a job, no luck it sucks...a lot...

I am taking up learning languages again, which I have <sadly> neglected to do in a while, but hopefully I can get some time in to do it listening to audio tapes while I am sewing...

And on a final note, Seamster is a real word, go figure... Even if Live Journal tells me it isn't... SO, yeah. Definitely going to use that in place of calling myself a tailor.

I love whining...

So, yeah. in spite of, or perhaps instead because, of my recent lack of sleep, I have been pondering a great many things.

The first of which would be, and I believe the most recurring: why have I been winding a ball of yarn for the past 7 hours when the PILE of yarn was good enough to knit form?

Of course the next obvious question would be: why does it take me 7 hours to wind a ball of yarn in the first place? <still not finished>

And of course the pondering of these questions led me to fall in a rather pensive mood which started a whole slew of other questions starting with: why do I never update my Livejournal?

Which then had me puzzling over exactly how long my attention span to online things is before I begin getting bored.

And consequently this led me to typing up this post at 7 am, and while in the process another question occurred to me: why is it the better my phrasing, spelling, and writing, the worse my logical flow and randomness of my writing becomes?

And as I think of all these these questions I find my mind wandering over to my new target of affection that I have decided to moon over. < I seem to love torturing myself and wallowing in self pity and doubt> But as it happens she is a very sweet girl, is in a theatre (doing both tech work AND acting), sings in a choir, intelligent all of the fun and cool things that I would desire....Except she already has a boyfriend...not that it would matter because I am so full of hopeless self pity that regardless of her availability I would never attempt to even bother trying anything.  But the most interesting part of this is that while I was thinking of her the timing just happened to coincide with the moment that one of newer guy friends began to give me back massage <not that bad actually...?> And of course, as before, touching me in fairly inappropriate places...which I am fine with, because I am so desperate for human contact.<You know except for the umm...kiss he gave me later that night... >

And then while writing the above statements I finally came up with some final thoughts to end the post with.

Man, I love commas
I sure hope nobody mentioned in this post is going to read this post
Man, I LOVE commas
When I don't sleep I make up some weird posts
Even if somebody mentioned reads this post I really, really, REALLY hope they don't share it with others
I better be using those commas correctly
I really suck at humor when I try
OH GAWD! I still need to do cosplay
And finally: I need to come up with some more manly hobbies.  Seriously, knitting, sewing, and baking bread and pastries? <maybe I should go and try to get another back massage from that guy, it was pretty good, at this point I rather doubt it will hurt my masculinity...>
And I DO love "The Music Man" now, I want to find more movies or plays like that, either with the singing or romantic style love stories like that. <wish I had a Marian the Librarian...>

Well that is long and short of it.  And now to bed...err I mean...diligently working on cosplay...right...

WHOOOO Bithday (Now 18, does this mean pr0n?  Dunno.)

WHOOOO Graduation (And the said that you can't pass school unless you try, I guess those magic games in physics showed them, too bad graduation was such a boring letdown)

A-Kon! (No "WHOOO"-ing, too many weaboos, though there were some cool people and cosplays there still, and h-fest was more awesome than I thought it would be, overall even if the only thing I did was stay in the hotel room, friends made it fun)

Friends are doing soul eater cosplay <YES!> (even if I did have to wait a year or two for the anime to come out to get people into it, now that I might have a job I should be able to earn munnies so I can finally cosplay.  Wanted to do Stein but he is too popular, Maybe BJ, Free, or Giriko?)

D&D 4.0 comes out tomorrow (Dunno if I should be happy for the release or mourning the loss of my already steadily declining public social life...  Either way I hope to work Wilford Brimley into this era as well)

Beat Portal (one sit through, people said short, but DAMN!  And yes the cake is a lie.  And still listening to "Still Alive")

shino_stalker had her birth day (たんじょうびおめでとうございます！）

Oh yes, and finally a meme courtesy of shino_stalker no more tags all my peoples have already been tagged.

1. Would you fart inside an elevator?
Elevator?  Who needs an elevator when you have stairs?  And as far as I know know farting in stairwells isn't a problem.

2. What will you do if the person you like doesn't like you back?
Hmm, dunno.  I would be too afraid to confirm if they do or do not like me in the first place <wimmens scare me>

3. Bagay ba si Miss Piggy kay Kermit the Frog???
わかりません。 Is moonspeak to me.  But muppets in any circumstance win.

4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
Confused?  Definitely, but not about the future.  Just push ahead and make it work, if you try hard enough you get what you want, if something breaks fix it.  Nothing to be confused about here.

5. What's your ideal lover like?
I don't really have to worry about the ideal right here and now. <Short answer, "any" is fine>

6. If you could have any animal as a pet, what would it be?
Ah wanna kitteh

7. If the person you like does not accept you, would you continue to wait for them to change their feelings?
Probably, in my mind I know that it wouldn't work, but I hate me enough to torture myself by still being beside them.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
See previous statement.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently?
Hells no, I am always happy.  Unless I happen to look inside my wallet.

10. Is there a voice that you really, really like?
Maybe Hirai Ken or Koyasu Takehito <Kuroyanagi forever>.

11. Are you particularly obsessed with one band/musical artist right now?
Doubt it, if I want to get through all 56.8 days straight of mp3s I don't have time to dawdle on one artist.

12. If you find out that your best friend is going out with your boyfriend/girlfriend, how would you react?
"Well that sucks, wonder what I did wrong?  Oh well if they are happy..."

13. Who is currently the most important person to you?
I really can't say, I love all my friends, I don't think I could place one above another.

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
A very eccentric Alice lover.

15. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
How rich and how poor? <poor and married, what a sucker, huh?>

16. Would you rather be a bum or be a busy person?
Couldn't I be a busy bum? <busy>

17. Would you give your all in a relationship?
Assuming I could get a relationship, definitely.

18. Define love.
Doing anything for a person, no matter what.

19. Milk chocolate, white chocolate or dark chocolate?
Blecch, Chocolate.  Well I might as well go with white, it isn't real chocolate anyways right?

20. If you played a prank on someone, and he/she fell for the trick, what would you do?
Laugh.  Wait for a moment.  Then laugh again and take pictures.

Well I hope that was enough to make up for 2 months of nothingness.  It isn't like anyone reads this anyways right?

Well some stuff has happened this week but nothing that involves any great detail (or at least not until my mind can get over the fact that my birthday is this Friday)

We had some D&D and it followed its usual insanity and senseless flow (that is the best part).

We went to actual UIL Tuesday and got sweepstakes (for those not into band and choir that means a 1, the best score, in everything)

LOTS of sleeping during class so much so that even I am worried about grades.

I then made a shopping list and the full version came out to over $3oo (and these were almost all PS2 games with some other things such as convention tickets thrown in, forget next gen systems or games for those, I still need my PS2 for RPG purposes) which has placed me in much despair.

D&D today.  I assume it follow its regular amazing formula (I really need to get a hold of the pictures that our friend draws for us, she bases them all on scenes that happen in the game but makes them many times more interesting).  And I also have to pre-order 4th edition today, which is really good because I never really learned 3.5 so I have a new chance to learn, and I have heard some good things about 4.

And as my title says yay tornado sirens.  Maybe if I'm lucky something fun will happen.  You know, evil witches and whatnot.

Fairly short no need for a soap box as of right now, and now to bed I go.

What X-Men would you be? (Male Version) created with QuizFarm.com

Inspired by my friend Shino_staker I have decided to go hunting for some quizzes, and like the nerd I am I automatically flocked to this one. You scored as Gambit Gambit has the mutant ability to tap into the potential energy contained within an object and transform it into kinetic energy. When Gambit thus charges an object with kinetic energy and throws it at a target, the object releases this energy explosively on impact Colossus 100% Wolverine 100% Gambit 100% Professor X 88% Cyclops 88% Nightcrawler 25% IceMan 13%

Though I do find it somewhat strange to have gotten another multiple character tie, but it doesn't really bother me because I love all of them, especially Gambit.

    So I have been gone since Friday to San Antonio for a choir trip and only have just come back at 2 AM on Sunday.

    Now, where to start?  I got to ride on a charter bus for the first time and I was sitting next to my friend, but the fun began when they were showing "Enchanted" and he started to sing all of the songs (Yes, ALL of them even the girl parts) in addition to speaking most of the dialogue, which led to some strange stares from some of the other choir members.  But I thought it was hilarious and afterwards I had showed him the Nodame Cantabille drama and the first episode of Ouran Koko Host Club and he loved both (I had also attempted to show him some shounen series like Bleacjhand Shijo Saikyo no Deshi Ken'ichi, but he didn't care as much for them).  After that we had gone to a few places like The Alamo and Ripley's Believe It or Not but nothing was terribly exciting there.  Afterwards we headed toward the hotel and my friend started to play Apollo Justice on my DS.

    The next day we had gone to a very nice high school to perform in our mixed and treble choirs,  and after that that we had gone to Fiesta Texas.  While there we attended an awards ceremony for the performance earlier that day where we picked up 4 trophies for Outstanding performance in Mix and Treble Choirs and Superior ratings in Mix and Treble Choirs.

    And after that we got to enjoy about a 5 hour drive home where I gathered my stuff and began walkng home for 20 minutes at 2 AM in the morning carrying a suitcase and everything.

So yeah as the title says, much sleep is needed.

    So today was pre-UIL for both band and choir in our district, and as the dutiful choir nerd I am I traveled to our neighboring high school and sang with all the other crazy choir nerds.

    But that isn't the fun part, the good stuff starts tomorrow, when the JV choir takes our choir trip to San Antonio, and I have taken the responsibility of educating my tenor buddy in the ways of anime.  However, to do this I needed DVDs.  So picture this, it's around 9:00 PM, I'm tired and still wearing my choir uniform, but I don't want to bother with changing so I walk to Hell's favorite shopping center (Wal-mart for those of you who are out of the loop) in my dress pants and tuxedo shirt, and the first thing I do when I get there after 20 minutes of walking is to go straight to the electronics and start hunting for bargains on spindles of DVDs (30 for $10 I would rather like to think that thats pretty good for me)but I start to wonder what to eat and drink for the trip tomorrow, so I buy snacks and water and after all this I start to head towards home when I began to think.  It is about 9:40 and I have walked to wal-mart to purchase DVDs a six pack of water and pretzels all in my choir uniform and now I have to carry it all back.  I started to wonder if this is what normal people do, and what the people driving their cars beside me thought when they passed me, but at this point there is little for me to do in the way of bettering myself in the way of public appearance.

    ...Anyway after all of my ranting there are just 3 things I want to make clear.
1.  I need a car.
2.  Even though he gets a bad reputation, Satan can actually do some pretty cool things.  (all praise the Wal-mart!)
3.  I am a pretty strange person...(and a pretty good shopper).

    Well today was interesting to say the least.  I have never been active in pursuing my academics and I have been know to work on "other " things, but today was particularly bad.  I fell asleep in at least 3 classes and got nothing <in the way of academics at least>, however I did manage to complete some maps and levels for a D&D campaign I am holding now <if you would like to hear the story behind this check out shino_stalker's post on her LJ>, after all it is SOMEWHAT hard to accommodate a 4 ft  400 lb half-elf rogue.  <All this, including sleeping,  was done after completing schoolwork so no worries>.

    Other than that we had clinic for UIL for my choir.  Nothing, exciting, nothing epic just an ordinary everyday (uber lame poast) <yeah, what he said>.  But the whole sleeping in class only reaffirms my belief in the evils of the internet (THATS RIGHT!  YOU HEARD ME!  It's YOUR fault for making me look at wonderful funderful things at 2 am in the morning!  ALL.YOUR.FAULT.INTERWEBS!)

Apparently I have been tagged (by my so called friend, jk) before I even get to have my first post up (thx interwebs, thx a lot)

kamachiono

Anyhow,  it is my duty as a dedicated internet user to submit myself to its strange rules, customs, and rituals (PSHAW!  Is only fun when curses are involved) and therefore I have completed the survey.  (YAY! QUIZES AND STUFFS!)

A)) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves. Tag 8 people. Those who are tagged cannot refuse.

B)) These 8 people must state who they were tagged by. You cannot tag the person who tagged you. Continue this game by sending this to 8 other people. People who are tagged will be blessed and their wishes will come true in the future.

( I guess dems da rulez)

I tag....
Unfortunately I know of no one on LJ who is on my friends list who has yet to take it, sadly here is where I must regrettably break this chain of insanity.  (aww.  is so sads...)


1. If your boyfriend/girlfriend cheated on you, what will your reaction be?
Wel-(ZETSUBOUSHITAAAAA!)<*shoves into closet*> Simple end any further chances of a relationship but continue to be friends(*muffled* it's not like you'll get a lot of chances sir...)<...shut up *kicks door*>

2. What will you do if you do not share the same feelings as the person who likes you?
Strange (ZOMG!!!) i was unaware sombody on this great green earth still even remotely thought well of me (note to self: MUST.TRY.HARDER.).  Actually in all seriousness this has happened before, and though it is INCREDIBLY rude of me (I would say EXCEPTIONALLY so) I just ignored that (and what a reputation that did earn me).

3. What is your favorite movie and why?
Haven't seen many movies recently that stand out in my mind, so I suppose I will have to say the most recent movies. "The Hebrew Hammer" was hilarious (redonculous) I usually don't enjoy movies that reinforce stereotypes but this was was pretty good (made me even want to convert to Judaism).  The next one was "Horton Hears a Who"  I don't know what it was about this movie but I loved it, maybe Jim Carrey and Steve Carell were enough to draw me in, but if that was it I doubt I would have watched it for long, it may have been just my imagination but I saw a lot of imagery and ideas in that film that I could relate to the world at hand.

4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
I am never confused (liar!).  The moment you start wondering about the future and really thinking and planning is the moment confusion begins to grab at you, simply take things one at a time as they appear, if you get stuck on one particular thing that's not confusion, that is problem solving.

5. What's your ideal boyfriend/girlfriend like?
Hmm (well this is easy I can answer th- ) <*stuffs into closet*and stay in there this time!> *AHEM* really anyone who can tolerate me without too much brain damage. But seriously, some one who would be kind, somewhat maternal, caring, and energetic enough for the lackluster person that I am, as well as someone that I could just communicate well with.

6. What's your favorite band/music artist? Is there anything about them that makes them truly special to you?
LAST ALLIANCE (HELLS YEAH!), no not really, but theirs is a music that never grows stale with age, instead some of the songs seem to grow on me more every time I hear them.

7. Are you the kind that would hold grudges?
It depends on what did the person did.  Usually it's when they "borrowed" something of mine.  So simple monetary reparations will make it all go away and until then, yes, other than that, no not really.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
(Ehh) This is not surprising, it has happened before and I expect it will continue to happen, but it doesn't really matter, as long as I could be by their side as a friend I would be plenty happy.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently?
Ahh my first straight forward selfish answer "Lack of Money" (damn straight).

10. How do you want to live your life?
To the best way possible of course, with friends, living a calm, untroubled, carefree lifestyle with somebody whom I could relate to and maybe have a relationship with (munnies wouldn't hurt either).

11.Relate a quote from a book to yourself/life/situation right now.
"That Horton is a menace. He has the kids using their imagination. It's sick."
- Sour Kangaroo from "Horton Hears a Who"
This is basically the way I think people <parents> think, and how children are expected to act.  What with their newfangled thinky-devices and whatnot.

12. If you find out that your best friend is going out with your boyfriend/girlfriend, how would you react?
I would actually probably blame myself (assuming I ever got that far) and would try to resolve it in the best way, but that would still mean the relationship would be over, I would wish them the best of luck and hope we could remain friends (pansy)

13. Who has influenced you the most?
A tough question (and the other ones aren't). I think everyone offers a lot in there own way, to single out a single one of them would disgrace and place shame on the rest, but if I had to narrow it down I would say my teachers (the ones I didn't argue with) and my friends I have made during high school and one in junior high, even though most of them are graduated.

14. What is the most predominant color around you?
I haven't really noticed before but the strange reddish maroonish color of my room is somewhat overbearing, so if I would have to pick anything it might be that.

15. Did you ever feel like you aren't really accepted?
Of course, I doubt anyone could truly accept me, but I can usually skate by by simply going for allowance rather than acceptance (yeah and how long will that work?  hmm?)  Of course it may just may be my imagination or my inferiority complex talking, but that is pretty close to how I feel.

16. What word best describes you?
Dull (very dull)

17. Would you give your all in a relationship?
I (lame) doubt I could.  I have never been good in a long term relationship (that is why yur lame).  I would really want to and I would try, but having never been in a relationship (of any conceivable sort) before, it is hard to say what would happen.

(ALLL of THAT = uber lame sauce)

18. Do you ever wonder if the way you see things visually aren't how other people see them?


19. What type of friends do you like?
Well to boil it down (way down) anybody who doesn't act incredibly stupid or ignorant (sorry interwebs, we had a good try).  Or any one who will share the same interests as me and won't be bogged done by it all (or have those roles reversed).  I can really get along with people because I usually play the neutral party (like the swiss).  But sometimes that gets tough, so I admire friends who keep it simple (NO I WILL NEVER SAY IT, I will never say "drama" in its new "HIP" connotation).

(NEVARS!!!!!!)

20. What words do you like the sound of?
Japanese onomatopoeias, plain and simple. (how in the world is THAT, plain and simple?)  I never knew so many things could have sounds.  (I still sparkle things to see if I can hear the kira kira)


This whole thing has turned out to be more revealing (and lame and sappy and LAME!), not to mention a tad bit more strange, than I thought it would be (oh wells that's life for ya').